NON-CRIMINAL SEX OFFENSES. Big offenses often begin with small offenses. But even a small offense may seem big to the offended one. If they grow to the point of breaking the law, we should immediately report them to the police.
Yet it’s better to nip them in the bud. By dealing with smaller offenses immediately, even if it’s a careless word or action. Because carelessness can lead to more carelessness and then to outright abuse.
Below I am presenting a model based on the Matthew 18:15-17 process. I put in in outline form to make it easier to follow. Alhough it doesn’t apply to every sex offense, some principles might.
First steps of church discipline (Mt. 18:15)
A woman with an allegation against a man,
who doesn’t want to confront him for fear of more harm,
can go to a church-approved female counselor.
The accused man must agree to go to a church-approved male counselor.
The female counselor goes over with the woman her allegations.
They inform the male counselor,
then he goes over with the man the woman’s allegations.
At this point the accused may admit only to some things,
and come into agreement on what he should have done/said instead.
The man may record his confession/apology on paper or voice recorder,
allowing the woman to read or hear it.
Or the woman may agree that all four get together
(the two counselors plus the offender & herself)
and go over only the allegations he admits to.
The man can say, I’m sorry, instead of this, I should have done/said this.
And the woman can say, here’s what I could have done to stop the process.
Then they can go away remembering not only what happened
but what should have happened.
They have a good memory to help cancel out the bad memory.
They can say, my old self did this, but my new self will do this from now on.
This will help them whenever circumstances make it necessary to
relate to each other again—from new self to new self.
Otherwise, they are advised to avoid contact till the process ends.
However, the woman’s wishes should be respected
if she wants to avoid contact altogether.
The second round—bringing in witnesses (Mt. 18:16)
In the next round,
the male counselor goes over with the man the remaining allegations.
The man may admit to more. If so, the four go through the same process.
They don’t mention yet the allegations that the man has not admitted, or
any allegations the man has made that the woman has not admitted.
Then the male counselor and the man go over his testimony/version
of remaining allegations and any witnesses to his testimony.
The female counselor goes over with the woman her testimony/version,
and her witnesses.
They can’t yet discuss with witnesses anything other
than the specific things they witnessed.
Everyone who has heard about this must swear to keep it confidential
till the whole process is over
They submit the man’s version to the woman, and vice versa.
Maybe then they’ll remember better.
The man and woman have one last chance to adjust their testimonies.
Then they enter a more difficult stage.
All four go over the events in order, the “he said, she said.”
But they may operate based on goodwill
from their previous confession and forgiveness.
More confession and forgiveness may happen
and other differences may be resolved.
A path of discipline and restoration of the offender
can be established and agreed on,
preferably in consultation with the church leadership.
Going to trial before the church (Mt. 18:17)
But if any major irreconcilable difference remains,
that the victim says must go before the church,
Then a panel of approved leaders/counselors must conduct a trial
of the accused, preferably counselors approved both by
the church leadership and by the man and woman’s counselors,
with as much confidentiality as possible.
The church leadership decides what to instruct the panel
on how to proceed with the trial,
which will end with a path of discipline and restoration
for the offender if he truly repents.
If anyone found guilty does not abide by panel’s decision,
the church treats him as an unbeliever—needful of salvation—
until he repents and shows he will abide by their decision.
Click here to see how to pray about this
ETG articles related to non-criminal sex offenses:
Child Development Foundation Rescues Abuse Victims
Armed Gangs Recruit Children Shut out of Haitian Schools
Haiti Missionaries Get Christmas Gift—All 17 Now Free
Turning Fathers’ Hearts to a Stolen Generation
Preteen Migrants Travel Unaccompanied to US Border
Hunger Grips Latin America as Pandemic Persists
BPN articles related to non-criminal sex offenses:
Hugs Not Guns’ Result in Record Mexico Murder Rate
Executive Coups Favored by 23% of Latin Americans
[/vc_column_text][/vc_column]
